I was not a good momma today. We took Colin to see Ice Age 3. Knowing full well he might not even do that well. Jeff and I even discussed it. We said, "Lets just try it and it is no big deal if he doesn't make it." Well he not only didn't make it, but we left in an embarrassing screaming fit only 15 minutes after it started! He just didn't care about anything except for the fact the he WANTED to go up and down the "big teps!" (big steps). He did stay quiet for a few minutes and that was only because he had my coke. Which he drank about 75% of it. Even though I knew he might not do well, my temper blew. I got really mad. He got spanked. I said a few choice words. We both cried the whole way home. And poor Jeff the entire time is making his face that says, "What is the right thing to say right now that won't get my head bit off?" So all that was accomplished on that movie date was....
1. screaming
2. wasted money
3. a tight stomach and tummy ache from too much coke
4. a not good momma
I don't know who actually reads this blog, but I hope my admitting that I said "a few choice words" does not offend you or make you think less of me. I apologize if it does. That is a struggle that I have that I am not proud of and it is a struggle that I can say is on its way to not being a struggle. But it did slip today in the rage of my frustration. We all have struggles if we are honest with ourselves and that is one of mine. For some reason though, I wanted to be "admitful" (if that is even a word) today on my blog. I know that I am not the only one who tries to make it seem like we are all put together and never have problems or sinful moments with selfish motives. And blogs are a great way to fake our way through that facade. I know that I am bad about using my blog to only post "nice" and "pretty" things about my life. So I guess I just wanted throw it out there that I'm not perfect and I have bad days. Sometimes I stink at mothering. And alot of times I stink at controlling my toungue. Im working on that.
And for the record, me and my son made ammends. We went home, he soaked up a diaper from all the coke, and I held him and rocked him to sleep and told him I was sorry and that I loved him. He is a good sweet boy!
Thursday, July 9, 2009
I admit...
Posted by Sarah at 4:40 PM
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7 comments:
I understand completely...being a parent is not easy sometimes. Don't be too hard on yourself, we have all been there. Colin is lucky to have a loving mommy like you. I have to giggle a little bit though at what Jeff's expression must have been...I have seen that same expression on his fathers face many times!
dont say that you are not a good mother I know you, you are one of the most sweetest person I have ever met and I always looked up to you when I was growing up and I still do. I think that was brave of you to admit that you are not always perfect...everyone does thing's that they shouldn't do but that doesn't make you a bad mother
It is probably very healthy for our children to see us mess up... so that they can then see how we make it right and that they can make their mistakes right too. Don't be so hard on yourself!! :)
I also say that if this is your first "mommy meltdown" in 2 years you are doing beter than most of us! Love you!!
3 things...
1. this is NOT the first mommy meltdown. It is one of many. I had quite a few especially in his first year of life.
2. I'm not beating myself up. I know that it is normal. I'm not expecting perfection. Its not admitting it to myself that is hard. It's admitting it to other people.
3. Yes, Jeff's face is absolutely priceless during those kinds of situations. It actually makes me calm down a lot because it makes me want to laugh!
Let me tell you some things that were accomplished
1. A crazy family memory we will never forget
2. 2 REALLY expensive drinks
3. Colin NOT throwing up
4. You being just as human as you were intended to be while wanting the best for your screaming son
The problem is that you care too much...You love your family so much that you always want the best for them...not a bad problem to have if you ask me :)
I love you so much, and we share an awesome life and son together.
ok...Jeff's comment just made me cry. :)
And...since I've been there..time and time again..and will continue to have moments like this:
There is NOTHING more humbling (NOT to be confused with humiliating) than apologizing to your children. Having to tell THEM that you were wrong. It teaches THEM humbleness too.
I love you, Beebah. (which, by the way is what Hannah says when I ask her to say "Sarah" amazing, huh?!?)
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