Friday, January 27, 2012

In an effort to get me out of my funk...

I've been in a funk this week. I have a terrible sinus infection so I feel like poo and have just been emotional and insecure. So, instead of complaining about it or talking about anything too serious, I just want to write a light hearted and fun post. It will be of no benefit to you, but here goes it...

10 things you need to know about me...

1. I love Jesus. Like really. I've struggled for a long time with having a lack of passion for him and feeling like I'm not 'in love' with him. But I've realized lately how much that has changed over the past few years. I still have a long way to go, but I love him and depend on him. He has my heart.

2. I love garage sales and flea markets. And I love them even more because my husband loves them too. That is like a dream date for us. I love Canton...and I don't mean the cute boutique stuff at the front. I like to bypass all of that and get into the section toward the back where you weed through people's old crap. Its so exciting!

3. I do not like animals. I'm not scared of them or grossed out by them. I promise I don't hate your dog or cat. I just don't get attached and I sure as heck don't want to take care of one either. So I will be that mom that tells my kids NO when they ask to keep a pet. Colin, however, does not like animals either so I'm pretty sure he won't ask.

4. Words are important to me. They make me feel loved or unloved. A little compliment can keep me going for a long time. An insult can rock my world. And a lack of words or wasted, useless words are even worse.

5. I don't require a lot from friends. I need friends and love them, but feel like I'm a crappy friend in return because I forget that other people need more from me than I might expect from them. Don't know if that even makes sense.

6. I wish I was a better reader. I think people who read a lot are so cool. I enjoy reading, but it takes me forever because I have to reread a lot to understand OR I fall asleep.

7. I fall asleep super fast. I could sleep standing up. When my head hits the pillow at night, I'm usually out in 2 minutes.

8. I want to learn to play the cello...BAD! It is absolutely my favorite, favorite instrument ever!

9. I'm super excited about Colin starting T-ball this spring, but nervous about being around other T-ball moms. I know I'll learn, but I know nothing about sports. I wouldn't know if my son did something wrong or not. And I'm certainly not competitive or hard core about it all. I hope there is atleast one other mom there that will be like me!

10. I love my husband and kids to pieces. I feel like I'm cool by association with them. Haha! Jeff is just a fun man to be around. His brain fascinates me...and so do his looks! *wink wink* And Colin is so affectionate and quirky and intense. He is a neat kid. And my Carley is an independent girl with a fun and happy personality. I just love love love them.

Friday, January 6, 2012

What to do...

I have never claimed to be a good or organized writer, and I'm certainly not claiming that today. My thoughts and desires are all over the place. As I attempt to convey what is on my mind and heart...I apologize if you leave my blog more confused than when you started.

I am notorious for thinking everything is a great idea. Im not usually apprehensive about life changes. This can be a good thing, but sometimes it leaves my mind confused and my heart unsettled. Jeff can even tell you the list of things that I have mentioned in the last year that we should do with our life. I've mentioned mission work, moving, job changes, you name it! So, with all of these "ideas" flying through my head I find it difficult to be obedient to God. Which one (if any) are we to do, God?

I wanted to share my latest thought with you. Now, I'm not saying we ARE going to do anything. I'm just saying its been heavy on my heart for a few months and I want to look into what this looks like for our family. The word "orphan" has been heavy on my heart. The Bible commands us in James chapter 1 to take care of the widows and orphans. This idea of taking care of orphans used to be an 'option' but has now turned into a command for me.

I have thought and prayed about foster care and possibly adoption. It makes my heart race when I even say those words. For one, because it stirs my heart and for two, because it scares the crap out of me. It just seems so messy. Financially and emotionally. I mean not having any idea what this child might be like that is about to join your family and then getting attached and then being heartbroken when that child is ripped from your arms to go somewhere else. And I don't want to even think about what that will mean for us financially.

Every time that the Bible's command to take care of the orphans has been mentioned lately those words, "foster care" come to mind. Every time I read scripture about justice, the words "adoption" come to mind too.

Micah 6:8 says, "He has shown you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."

For some reason it seems like taking care of the orphans is ALL OVER that verse. Maybe its just me, I don't know. But what a complete injustice it is for a child to not have a place to call home. What an injustice it is for a child to be ripped from their mother or father's arms...even if it DID need to happen for the good of that child. A good friend of mine always says, "To a child, a bad mother is better than no mother at all."

And lately I think about my own children. Its not fair that my sweet kids get to come home everyday knowing that they will be loved and fed...and other children dont know that. Now I'm not saying that I have a perfect home or that we are perfect parents. We yell, we spank...alot, and I will even admit that "not nice words" are known to come out of my mouth when my patience is thin. No we are not perfect. But yes, our family loves each other and we are all taken care of. Why should we hoard the joy that we have in our home for just us. We were never intended to keep what God has given us for ourselves. Whether that be money, resources, talents, time, or even loving homes. Why not open our home to a child that has no idea that this kind of love even exists.

I recently heard a song that says, "I don't have to worry and I don't have to be afraid. Cause you are God. Yes, you are God." That one line spoke to me on so many levels. If I were to choose this path of somehow taking care of an orphan, I don't have to worry or be afraid of the messiness of it all because He is God! But then also, I wonder how many orphans or displaced children even know that they don't have to worry or be afraid. Do they even know this God?

I know I cannot change the world. But what a joy (and a trial) it would be for one child to not have to be afraid. For one child to join our family...even if only temporarily...and to come to know this God.

So there are my incomplete thoughts and desires. No I'm not saying we are going to do this. I'm not saying we are not. This could be the first step of something that could come a few years later, or it could be another one of my crazy ideas that will fade away once I get a new idea. In all honesty, I kind of hope it doesnt fade away, because we are commanded to do something about this injustice. Now, I know some of you might be thinking "You are taking this too seriously...You can just send a little money here or there or pray for the orphans and thats good enough." I've thought that myself. But if this is heavy on my heart, and I ignore it, then I am afraid of what I might miss out on that God has in store for us. And I would hate for a child to miss out on what God has in store for them. I don't want to compromise God's will for "good enough."