Frustrated.

I will probably regret this later, but I am allowing myself one post to "vent" and be real about what frustrates me. I have already decided that I will end this post by remembering what God has done for me and counting my blessings. I guess ending that way will make me not feel so guilty about this?

I'm frustrated that LSU STILL has not called me back. Colin's paperwork is there and now I'm waiting on a call. I know Colin is not the only patient but today was a really rough day for him. Lots of "seizures" ...some were even longer lasting than normal. (I put that in quotes because he has not officially been diagnosed with that...even though in my heart I feel like that is what is going on). And I hate how much these seizures even seem to effect his mood. On days that he has a lot of them, he just seems unsettled, irritable, and doesnt want to do anything.

I'm frustrated that every time he has a seizure it makes me think of my sister. I'm frustrated that she is gone.

I'm frustrated that I cannot seem to give equal attention to both of my sweet children. I've been closely watching and tending to the needs of Colin lately and I feel like I can't give Carley enough attention. She is precious...and never seems unhappy or neglected but it bothers me.

I'm frustrated that my budgeting skills stink. I take that back. My budget on paper is beautiful. Executing it in real life is always a fail. EVERY month we go over. This month we went way over.

I'm frustrated that there is never time... Never time to catch up on anything, never time to just sit and enjoy eachother as a family, never time to go on a date with the man I love, never time to do things I enjoy. I want to sew, I want to be crafty, I want to read books, I want to play the piano, I want to learn a new instrument, and if it were even remotely possible I would go back to school because I want to learn.

I can't keep enough clothes clean in this house. I can't remember to take my medicine regularly. I can't pee without a child walking in or little fingers sliding in under the door. I can't ever be on time because I can't ever find my keys. I can't.

Ok. I feel better. I am all about being real, but I know that it is detrimental to my spiritual health to complain like this all the time. I have been striving to be filled with the Spirit...and there is no room for the Spirit in a heart that is full of negativity, fear, and anxiety. God is good all the time. My circumstances may not be good all the time...but He is. There is so much to be thankful for. I have 2 beautiful kids, and wonderful husband, a job, a house, a dishwasher (hey! the dishwasher is important! A few months ago I would have said I was frustrated that I spent 2 hours a day washing dishes!) The most important thing I have to be thankful for is that He saved me. I am a changed life because of His love. I think differently, feel differently, act differently because I am not who I used to be. God is good all the time!