home sweet home and Zephaniah

I am finally back in my house. I feel a lot better. It's still not right, though. I need my Jeff here. I miss him. He knows me. He knows how I am feeling without me having to tell him. He knows when I need him to hold me and when he needs to just let me yell for a minute. He knows that I don't hold grudges and that I'll get over it in 2.5 minutes. He knows my weird sense of humor (probably because it derived from his weird sense of humor). He knows the routine with Colin. He knows our system. He carries Colin to the car and puts him in, I strap him in while Jeff starts the car. I change Colin's diaper and Jeff takes the diaper to the trash can. I miss the "colin voice" that Jeff does. You see, Jeff's family makes voices for living things that do not have their own voice (ie the cat, dog, and this also includes Colin). I suppose we will have to stop doing that when Colin talks more. Anyway, I am ready to not be apart from him anymore. I am ready for it to be the 3 of us again and not just 2 of us. It has been such a hectic last month. We are exhausted. In fact, I had planned for Jeff and I to go to San Antonio next week, but we decided to cancel it just because we are that desparate to be "home together" and back in a somewhat normal routine. However, I am very glad that my mom is here so I don't get too lonely. Just knowing that she is here and that there is someone to talk to makes it better.

Anyway I really want to share this verse that has been heavily on my heart lately. Zephaniah 3: 17 says,

"The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."

My favorite line is "he will quiet you with his love." Wow.... If you haven't noticed from other posts, analogies help me learn. So sometimes when I read scripture I try to think of an analogy. The first thing I thought of was my son. Sometimes he gets fussy. Sometimes it's because he is sleepy or teething or bored....sometimes I don't think he even knows what's wrong. He just cries because he knows something is not right. But I love it when, no matter what the reason is for his unsettledness, I can calm him and quiet him just by holding him or singing to him or talking to him. He knows that I am his mommy and that I am there for him.

The more I began to ponder this, the more God revealed to me. In those moments when I pick up Colin to hold him, Colin stops crying. He doesn't blame me for whatever is bothering him. He knows I didn't make him sleepy or make him have gas (hehe). He doesn't ask me why he doesn't feel good. He just knows that his mommy is here now and he is quiet. What a wonderful example my son has shown me of the kind of trust and simplicity I should have in my relationship with my God. Sometimes I get loud with my unsettledness or ranting or crying or questions. But God is mighty and he can quiet all of that with his great love. His love is bigger than my hurt, or confusion, or questions. This verse from God challenges me to learn to allow God to quiet all of that...all of me...by just knowing that he is God....he is here....and he is love. I don't exactly know how to do that or what that looks like, but I am eager to find out.

So I apologize that my posts are not as eloquent as some others and that they are all over the place...but the scary thing is that my thoughts make more sense here on my blog than they do in my head. So thank goodness you don't have to see the chaos that goes on up there!