A letter to my students

Dear students,

I love you. But I need to get some things off my chest...

Please stop calling me Mrs. Staples, Mrs. Stapler, and Mrs. Staplehead. It is Mrs. Sta-ple-TON.

You don't have to tell me every time you find a paperclip, a piece of fuzz, or a string on the floor. Just take care of it. Put it in the trash for heaven's sake.

Students, don't fall into peer pressure. Just because the student next to you needs to pee doesn't mean you need to pee too. Don't start a disruptive ripple effect.

And what's the deal with bathroom sinks? Boys, why do you see it as a competition to clog the spout and see if you can get water to spray on the ceiling. Girls, why do you see sinks as opportunities to slick up your hair and come out confidently looking like wet cats.

Students, we are really going to have to work on what a "question" is. Anytime someone says, "Do you have any questions?" It seems like you guys always follow it up with... "My dog died when I was 3." Or "My baby brother ate a bug once."

Let me get a few more things off my chest...

I love you so so much.

I love how much you make me laugh. I have loved hearing things like
"We need a questlamation point at the end of the sentence!"
        and
"The state flower is called the blue vomit!"

I love how badly you want to please. I love that you laugh at my jokes...even when you don't get them. I KNOW you don't get them because I know how 1st grade brains work. You are just laughing to make me feel loved.

I love that you are innocent. I love that you still have a wonderment of the world around you. I love that you are motivated to learn.

I love it when you say, "We are a team. We are a family." I love how when someone cries, you all want to stop class to make sure they are ok. I love that you rub their back and say, "Its ok!"

I'm sorry that some of you live with uncertainty. Wondering when you are going to eat next, where you are going to live, who you are going to live with, who will pick you up that day. I wish I could tell you that everything at your home will be ok. But I CAN tell you that everyday that you come to school that you will eat, you will be loved, and you will be safe.

I also want you to know that I don't care what's "wrong" with you. I don't care what labels you have. I don't care about your history or how you did last year. You are mine. I don't love you because you are a good student. I love you because you are MY student.

Thank you students for filling my days with smiles and joy. I'm so impressed with you all. You handle so much in life with more grace and maturity than a lot of adults do. You love and forgive better than a lot of adults do. So even though I might teach you some "stuff." You teach me so much more.

Teacher/Momma Soapbox

It's very interesting being a teacher AND a mom. I see both sides. I know what teachers expect. I know what bugs teachers. I know their pet peeves. YET, I know my imperfect children and that I love them more than anything in this world and want them to succeed. I often have these views about education and parenting that have teacher and parenting beliefs intertwined. I thought I'd share a few of my thoughts with you.

1. It's ok if your kid isn't GT. I've had so many parents come to me so very disappointed that their child didn't qualify for the gifted and talented program. I believe that there are some kids that truly ARE GT that didn't qualify. Just because they couldn't pass a weird test and it doesn't say on their cum folder that they are GT doesn't mean that I'm not going to treat them as a GT kid. 

Now, here is the other side of that. I had a mother upset that her daughter didn't qualify for GT. I had a conference with the mom and said this:

"You're daughter is very driven and goal oriented. In the grand scheme of life that is going to benefit her way more than having a GT label. "

Being GT isn't all it's cracked up to be. Sure they are incredibly smart and gifted. But they also struggle in the public school setting because they think on a totally different wave length and might even be considered "weird" to classmates or teachers. GT kids are hard to tap into. If your kid isn't GT, I am going to try to teach them to be organized and goal oriented and driven.

GT kids are so awesome and interesting. But your not GT kid is just as praise worthy and successful. 

2. I'm going to tell all kids they are smart...even if they aren't. There is big research going around saying to stop telling kids they are smart. "Oh it might make them feel entitled. It might build up a superiority complex. We just need to tell them they worked hard." Well I can guarantee you that they will quit working hard if they feel like they aren't smart and they aren't getting the "expected results." 

And I really DO believe they are all smart...in different ways. I have kids who are quick with numbers and some who can read ANYTHING. Some who just have good common sense, background knowledge and vocabulary. Some who are amazing artists with an observant eye. Some who can memorize anything. Some who are athletic. Some who know everything there is to know about dinosaurs. And some who are tender and can sense people's emotions better than I do.

There is a way to let kids know that they are smart but that everyone else around them is also. I always tell my kids and students, "No one is better than you and you are not better than anyone else." Almost everyday I ask my kids, "Who is the most important person in the classroom?" They cheer "The person next to you!"

3. Teachers kids are just kids too. There is this unspoken expectation that if you are a teachers kid you should be making straight A's and be perfectly behaved. And some (not my kid's teachers) teachers can be very judgemental. My son goes to a different school than where I teach. If they knew his momma was a teacher they'd probably be shocked. He struggles for sure. He knows it and I know it. We constantly are working on the things he struggles with. My daughter does well academically but can have a cruddy attitude sometimes. I know it. My kids aren't spoiled. I spank them. I talk to them about their bad days. I may not correct them in front of other people, but you better believe when we get to the car or get home, momma's wrath is coming out. 

One of my kids got in trouble for swinging on their belly outside. They were even told, "And your mother is teacher!" Tell my kid to stop. Make them "change their color." Discipline them the same way you would any other kid. But don't make my children hate being a teacher's kid. They are just kids and should not have unrealistic expectations. 

4.On the flip side of that... Teachers need to quit talking trash about parents. (I'm guilty of this) Don't assume they are crappy parents. Don't assume their is huge concern just because they show up without their jacket one day. Or a day here and there without homework. Or they don't know how to help them at home. TEACH them how to help their kids. Have a parent conference where the kid is there too and let the parent watch you guide them through reading. Quit acting like its us vs. them. Partner with parents. Build a relationship with them. They love their kid just as much as you love yours or atleast as much as they know how. Don't judge them, just show them and equip them.

 

5. Extracurricular is so important. But simplicity is too. Find what your kid is good at or interested in. Let them do it if you have the means. Let them dance or play piano or play ball or do karate or be in a club or whatever. Those extracurricular activities really do enhance what happens in the classroom. It gives them experiences to bring to the classroom. Extracurricular activities activate a part of the brain that becomes useful in the classroom. And it gives kids a sense purpose and pride. But don't feel the need to overload your child with constant stimulation. It's ok for them to just sit and watch a TV show for a few minutes sometimes. It's ok to spend one night at home doing nothing. It's ok to just tell them to go to their rooms and play. 

Let me end by saying this: Every family is different. Some families are home bodies and some love to be on the move all the time. Some have kids who were reading at 18 months and some who didn't read until they were 7. Some parents allow endless technology and some severely limit it. Some eat processed food and some eat whole foods. You do whatever you feel is best for your family. God made you momma and daddy of your family for a reason. YOU are the parent. Don't feel like you need to do any more or any less because of what other mommas or teachers say is best. 

The best advice I was given was this: "When someone criticizes you or gives you suggestions. Consider it. If it convicts you and you feel they are right, make the changes needed. If you don't agree, just smile and nod and dismiss it quietly."

The Best Birthday of All!

In our Sunday School class last Sunday, we talked about how we unintentionally make our children an idol (as a result of jealousy). We compare how our kids look, act, perform, etc. to other people's kids. We turn it into this unspoken competition. We do whatever it takes to make our kids look good.

We discussed the topic of Birthday Parties. How we feel like we HAVE to go all out for our child's birthday parties. We were saying things like, "I just CANT believe some people spend X amount of money or hand make their kids party favors and poop out a pinterest perfect party." Well....Um...That's jealousy too. We trash talk how other mom's choose to do things just to hide the fact that we've been outdone and want to make ourselves feel better.

In the midst of our discussion we kind of all decided that it's ok if parties are elaborately perfectly done, and its ok if you just put up one balloon, eat a cake, and call it a day. Then a wise lady said this...

We are making a bigger deal out of our kids birthday parties than we do out of 

celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ.

I've been so convicted about that all week. What have I been doing? Sure we have a quick discussion about how it's all about Jesus, we read the Christmas story. Then they go nuts opening presents. Here are some simple thoughts on things that I have done or will try to make sure Jesus is the biggest deal this Christmas season. THEN I want to hear your ideas!

1. Last year, after every gift that we opened we all would say, "This is good, but Jesus is better!"

2. Last year, we put $20 in each kids stocking with a note saying they had to find a way to use the money to help someone in need. Carley chose to buy shoes for Buckner. Colin chose to buy a few toys to put in the hospital play room at Scottish Rite hospital.

3. This one got a little loud in my car, but last year, every time we passed by a house or building with Christmas lights, we would shout, "Happy Birthday Jesus!"

4. Read the Christmas Story. Make it interactive depending on their age. If they are 2-3 years of age, have them jump up every time you say, "Jesus" or "Son of God." If they are preschool age, have them draw a picture of what they visualize while you slowly read the story.If they are school age. Have them write a summary or their favorite part or what they think is the most important thing that happened. Have them act out certain parts. Play cherades with things from the story. Anything!

5. We watched a video at our church from The Skit Guys about how this man stole baby Jesus from their nativity set and hid it. He left clues all over the house for his kids... making this a week or 2 long search for Jesus. The point was to make the whole season about seeking Christ.

5. Quit asking your kids so much what they want for Christmas. Our kids are fine. They have enough. Start asking them what they should give instead. 

6. Somehow try to explain to your kids (depending on their age) the connection between Christmas and Easter. That He was born to die so that we could someday pray for Him to save our lives.

I have absolutely nothing against Santa, buying your kids presents, and all that fun that comes with Christmas. I just know that I HAVE to be more intentional about making the biggest deal out of Jesus for my kids...and myself. 

Tell me your ideas/thoughts on ways to make this happen for your family. Whether you have babies or teenagers. I want to hear it all!

My how the tables have turned...

When we lived in Marshall, we had this teeny tiny dining room table that used to be my parent's. It was in my house growing up and it was passed on to us when Jeff and I got married. Such sweet memories. Colin and Carley ate their first baby food at that table, we ate many a meals there, Jeff spent countless nights studying at that table. But it was too little, and so rickety, and creaked at every wiggle of the table. I actually cried a little when I sold the table. So when we moved to our new house in Ennis, it was naturally time to look for a new table. We had a much bigger eating area and I knew we'd be fostering and needed something bigger. I knew exactly what I wanted. But what I wanted was expensive. So I searched for a few months online for a good deal on what I wanted and started saving. Much to my surprise I found the PERFECT table on Craigslist for about half the price I was expecting to spend!

Why would I blog about a table? There is just so much that happens at this table for our family. It's more than just a table. It's a place where memories are made, ideas happen, lessons are learned, and love is shared. Some of those moments are intentional and planned, some not.

I often think of big events at this table. The holiday meals and the signing of papers when we've received a foster child. But it's also the mundane that happens at the table that is important too. The helping of homework, the Saturday morning breakfasts with puffy eyed and messy haired children, the board games we've played with family and friends.

We "try" to have family devotionals together at the table. We don't have them as often as we should and some are not as successful as others. We've had a few conversations about God that assure me that God is working on my children's heart and other conversations that end with me saying, "Nevermind. Just go play..."

I love that we share this table with kids that aren't our own. Our first foster child spent more time at this table making Colin and Carley laugh until they couldn't breathe because he could burp on command. Then we had the opportunity to pull a high chair up to this table that held our second foster child. We called that her "happy place." She loved to sit there and eat and smile and talk.

I am not a cook. I don't enjoy it and I'm not very good at it. So we've shared some meals at our table that we've forced our way through. It's sometimes even hard for me to keep my own rule of, "Eat, whether you like it or not." We've argued at this table. We've all said words that we don't mean and raised our voices and cried at this table. Yet, we gather back the next day as a family and try again. Because that is what God wants us to do. To forgive and to love and to keep striving toward holiness as a family...together.

I look forward to more memories at our table. I pray for those moments...even the frustrating ones. I pray for more conversations where my children learn more about who God is. I look forward to inviting another foster child to join us at the table. I look forward to hearing cracking voices of puberty and even the rolling eyes of adolescence at that table. And I pray that God will teach me how to gracefully handle arguments that happen there. I even pray that I'll learn to cook more pleasurable meals that we can honestly say, "That was good!"

I just love the beauty of our table holding the messiness of our lives and the graceful times of life. The table is always there for us to meet together regardless of life's circumstances. God is the same way. He is constant and there for me to meet with whether I am loving life or not.

One uppers

I've never really understood the desire within people to "one up" others. I do it myself even. It all starts when we are kids, "My daddy is stronger than your daddy!" Then as we get older we reverse it. We try to one up who has it harder in life. "I'm so tired from all this homework." "Oh yeah? Try getting sleep with a newborn baby!"

This is so silly. And I'm convicted because I say or think these things all. the. time.

I've seen articles SO MUCH lately posted on facebook about things like, "What NOT to say to a ___." Fill in that blank with pregnant woman, foster mom, mom with special needs child, stay at home mom, working mom, etc.

I believe that these articles were originally intended to be helpful and informative. And they are! I want to know how I can be more sensitive to others. But I fear that the people who write them and post them might have motives that are wanting to "one up" others. It's like we post these articles with the intention of rubbing it in other peoples faces that we live a life that they will NEVER understand.

What is the point in that kind of attitude? It fosters bitterness against people who did nothing to you and pushes away people who may WANT to understand.

I could tell you all kinds of struggles about being a working mom, being a ministers wife, being a foster mom, growing up with a special needs sibling, losing a sibling... And I think you can learn from my life experiences. I LOVE to share what God has done and is doing through those life situations with those that haven't lived what I have lived.

BUT I also LOVE to learn from OTHER peoples testimonies who have lived through things I can't imagine ever living through.

I think God would be way more honored if we invited people to go through our specific life journeys with us instead of pushing them away. He'd be more honored if we didn't get ticked off that "people just don't understand." He'd be more honored if we took the focus off ourselves and back on to Jesus Christ. He'd be more honored if we chose to ask other people to share their story instead of only thinking about our own.

Most importantly, I fear that "one uppers" have made their life situations their badge...their identity. Your identity lies in what Jesus did for you on the cross. Not what you have endured. My life and what I've been through belongs to God. Not me.

This is not a competition, people. God created us to have community with eachother and that can't happen with a bunch of one uppers. Let's "rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn." (Romans 12:15)

Anxiety anchors me

I've struggled with anxiety for a while now. Its always been a quiet companion my whole life, but festered into more of a friend than I would like it to be in my 30s now.

I've talked with people who have anxiety about different things. Many have generalized anxiety or only have anxiety when in public places or around large groups of people. I (believe) that I have panic attacks. Specifically related to car phobia and "What if" freak accident scenarios that I involuntarily play through my head. I feel threatened and therefore lose all sense of reality in a feeble effort to defend myself.

Driving in Dallas is torture for me. I literally feel like I'm about to die or get in a wreck at all times. My heart races, I get cold and shivery, and I cry. My husband is awesome. He has learned over the years to just let me cry and not say anything, and I have (most of the time) learned to not scream out to avoid a REAL wreck from startling him. He holds my hand, I cry, and he reminds me that I am still alive.

The "what if" scenarios that play through my brain can be quite paralyzing as well. I have to be very careful to not watch certain shows or look up certain things online about tragic accidents. Rescue 911 and Unsolved Mysteries were shows that gave me sleepless nights as a child. I also just try to steer clear from the news and certain links to these types of things on facebook. I imagine myself or my family in those stories in such a realistic way in my brain that I forget that its NOT real. One thought sparks another thought until anxiety is just spiraling rampant in my heart.

Anxiety does not control me all day every day. It just comes in moments. But the moments are powerful and overwhelming.

I feel a ton of guilt during anxiety too.

Guilt for not trusting God enough to take care of me. I fear that this anxiety is an indicator of a weak relationship with God. And to some degree I believe that is true.

Its amazing how my world can go to 2 opposite extremes in a matter of minutes. One minute I can tell you how good and faithful and provisional my God is. But the minute anxiety hits, I forget that. I would never tell you that God was bad in anxious moments, but I might tell you that He isn't enough.
Then once the panic attack subsides I am left embarrassed at my behavior and my subconcious thoughts toward the God that I love.

I'm not quite sure why I am writing this post or where I want to go with it even. Its actually 12:45 am and I cannot sleep. I believe this all started with me reading an article online about the lost Malaysia flight a few hours ago and who knows what happened in my brain after that. Dumb...I know. Its almost humorous sometimes.

I guess I can say that one thing good that comes from being aware of my anxiety is that it reminds me how very weak I am and how very much I need him. Its ironic that the very thing that makes me feel like God is not enough is also the very thing that anchors me to Him. And my sweet husband gives me a clear picture on a smaller scale of how my God responds to me in anxiety. He holds my hand and lets me cry and reminds me that I am still alive...but only in Him.

She had no idea...

She was taken to the doctor to get a few stitches in the back of her head when she was about 10 years old. A boy had thrown a rock at her head during recess. Because of her insanely high pain tolerance, she had no idea that anything was even wrong. She just walked around the playground, dripping blood, without a care in the world.

My sister struggled to "connect" with the world. She had autism and mental retardation. She did not say her first words until she was 5 years old. She was known for looking up to the sky while singing a song to herself. She was known for memorizing things. Entire movies she had seen once. People's names that she had met only once.

We shared a bedroom our entire childhood and teenage life. As a young child, I did not know any different. My sister was just...my sister. That's the way it was and she never bothered me.

In my teen years, as I started to think more in depth about the things of life, I began to feel sad for her. I would think, "She has no idea what she is missing out on by not being able to connect with this world." I thought about how she didn't have real friends like I had, or how she would never marry and have kids like I would, or how she would never get her license and drive like I would. And it just blew my mind that she had NO idea that she was missing out on any of that. No idea... Because she was in Erin world. A world that so many people that loved her tried to break into.

I always wondered what life would be like for her as an adult. And again would feel sad thinking about her future compared to what mine would probably be.

Little did I know that she would touch more lives than I ever would. Its funny how God gives such purpose to the most unlikely people. She had no idea that God was using her all along, nor did she even fully comprehend who God was, but he sure was using her.

The day that she passed away was devastating and weirdly peaceful at the same time. Peaceful because I knew she was with the one who made her exactly the way He wanted her. It all made sense and came to closure for me. I did not need to feel sad for her for what she was missing out on or what her future would hold. For she lived a life of purpose. Maybe not intentionally...but it was purposeful. I now know that God's purpose for our life far outweighs the drivers licenses, friends, husbands and kids that I wished Erin could have.

I am blessed to have grown up with that girl. Sure, hearing a song at 2am or fighting for the shower because she took 15 showers a day drove me crazy, but I have been given a new perspective. A perspective that comes from God through people like Erin about what is important in life. And what is important is Jesus Christ.

My former youth minister and dear friend, Donovan, spoke at her funeral and said something that I will never forget. He said, "Erin's life is an interesting thing. She has unknowingly taught people so much about God's character that in the end, she fades away, we fade away, and all that is left is God." Nothing more honorable can be said of someone than that. I pray that my life will do the same.

Being relevant and putting bloggers articles in their proper place.

http://thegospelside.com/2012/09/23/whats-so-uncool-about-cool-churches/

This article really paints an accurate picture of what is happening all over America. Even for churches that try hard NOT to be like this... its still a huge temptation to give in to the "Lets be more relevant... more cool!" motive when planning and making decisions for the church.

As much as I love our Sunday School curriculum that we use with our 7th-12th graders, I see this desire to be relevant to our "hard to reach youth" written in their lessons as well. Nearly EVERY lesson has an activity or discussion question centered around modern day celebrities. Sure, I get it. That is what youth are familiar with. Good teachers are supposed to take what they know and build upon it. But I feel like talking about celebrities within the context of scripture just minimizes the power of God's word. Also, if we are encouraging our youth to "set their minds on things above" then talking about Hollywood gossip just feeds their desire to set their minds on "earthly things." Besides...I don't have a clue who half of those people are anyway.

I have struggled for a long time as the wife of a youth minister. I love our teenagers, but have always felt like I don't relate to them well. I didn't even relate well to teenagers when I WAS a teenager. I've struggled with thoughts about not being effective, them not liking me, and beating myself up over a teen who doesn't want to come back to church. I've learned that relevance to youth cannot ever take place of me loving them and more importantly God loving them.

Doug Fields, former youth pastor of Saddleback church, preached on this topic at the SYM conference a few years ago. He warned us to stop trying to be so relevant. We don't have to make it relevant because Jesus IS relevant to teenagers. He has everything that teens are looking for in life.

The above article is a great read...However... I'm going to begin a second soap box now about articles like the one above....

Facebook has had many phases over the past year or two. There has been the phase of, "Like if you agree, Comment if you don't" on all political issues. There is the pictures of ladies dressed in the 1800s sitting on "settees" with a funny quote that was obviously not said in that time era. And here lately, the big thing has been links to articles from bloggers. The kinds of articles I'm seeing lately either have to do with being a mom (like the ones saying that you don't have to be a pinterest pooping super-mom) or they have to do with how to reach today's changing millennials and culture for Christ.

As thought provoking and helpful as these articles are, I fear that too many well intentioned Christians (myself included) are spending more time reading these than the Bible itself. That we are placing more value on what a talented blogger says about these topics rather than what God says. When we know that we are struggling to be a good mom or that we are struggling in the ministry and church to reach those around us, we run straight to a good Christian blogger instead of running to our knees in prayer...asking for God's mercy and strength to guide us. May we never value a human's words more than the life-changing words of God himself.

And yet, this very blog post is kind of ironic. I'm urging all of us to stop dwelling on bloggers words in my own blog post. :/

Take a drink

In my few years of teaching, I've come in contact with quite a few very troubled students. Their troubledness combined with the fact that they are also only 5, brings some big crying fits. And I'm not talking about little temper tantrums. Most people would think, "Kindergartners can't do that much damage when they are upset." Let me assure you that some of the most violent angry outbursts I've ever seen came from a former student that was a 30 pound 5 year old.

That being said, I've tried lots of different approaches with these angry fits. And there is one ridiculously simple approach that I swear by and seems to work most of the time. 

I just tell them "Take a drink."

I have a little girl that has taken many a trip to the water fountain in my classroom. She is a scraggly haired girl, with holes in her uniform clothes, and shoes that are 2 sizes too big. She is normally happy, but when she snaps, she snaps big. 

I walk her to the water fountain. She doesn't even know that's what she needs, so she doesn't take a drink when asked. I have to turn the knob for her and gently push her head toward the flow of water.

Its pretty amazing to watch her (and other students who have done the same thing) as she takes in the rehabilitating water. She is still trying to scream as the water is being gulped in. But within a few seconds her eyes close, she grows silent, her body loosens from stubborn stiffness and she is guzzling in this water that she didn't even know she needed.

When she is calm, she pulls away and I always ask, "Are you better?" She gives a calm nod and then we are able to have a reasonable conversation.

There is something about drinking water that is calming and satisfying for these types of students. It regulates their breathing so that they can no longer cry and scream. It also distracts them from their intense emotions and current situation.

I see so much of myself in that scraggly haired girl in those moments. I have moments of hurt feelings, ruined plans, or pushed buttons that make me completely melt down. Yet there is this water...so readily available to me. And I forget that I need it.

"...But whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life." -John 4:14

We, by nature, have desert souls. We are dry and desperately thirsty. We crawl through the desert reaching for worldly pleasures to temporarily quench our thirst. But yet, there is a spring right before our eyes that will leave us eternally satisfied. Thank you, Jesus, for letting me take a drink. 

Your fast days...

Isaiah 58 has totally rocked my world tonight. I read it 3 times in a row as tears flowed down my cheeks. I usually try not to depend on The Message version too much for true interpretation, but this was too powerful to ignore. Conviction swept through the little crevices in my soul. Especially during this season of Lent.

The Hebrew word for the word "fast" means to "cover the mouth" or "abstain." The purpose is to turn our eyes off the things of this world and back onto God in order to help us remember that we are not self-sufficient. That only God can satisfy our souls.

Isaiah 58:1-9

“Shout! A full-throated shout!

Hold nothing back—a trumpet-blast shout!

Tell my people what’s wrong with their lives,

face my family Jacob with their sins!

They’re busy, busy, busy at worship,

and love studying all about me.

To all appearances they’re a nation of right-living people—

law-abiding, God-honoring.

They ask me, ‘What’s the right thing to do?’

and love having me on their side.

But they also complain,

‘Why do we fast and you don’t look our way?

Why do we humble ourselves and you don’t even notice?’

“Well, here’s why:

“The bottom line on your ‘fast days’ is profit.

You drive your employees much too hard.

You fast, but at the same time you bicker and fight.

You fast, but you swing a mean fist.

The kind of fasting you do

won’t get your prayers off the ground.

Do you think this is the kind of fast day I’m after:

a day to show off humility?

To put on a pious long face

and parade around solemnly in black?

Do you call that fasting,

a fast day that I, God, would like?

“This is the kind of fast day I’m after:

to break the chains of injustice,

get rid of exploitation in the workplace,

free the oppressed,

cancel debts.

What I’m interested in seeing you do is:

sharing your food with the hungry,

inviting the homeless poor into your homes,

putting clothes on the shivering ill-clad,

being available to your own families.

Do this and the lights will turn on,

and your lives will turn around at once.

Your righteousness will pave your way.

The God of glory will secure your passage.

Then when you pray, God will answer.

You’ll call out for help and I’ll say, ‘Here I am.’

Lent is something I've never participated in or even thought about. But I thought I'd give it a shot this year not realizing the effect it would have in just 2 weeks.
I decided to give up Facebook on my phone. I deleted the app. And because I don't have my own laptop, I just use Jeff's laptop at the end of the day to "check in" with Facebook. I thought that when I would get to finally look at facebook at the end of the day that I would be on forever trying to catch up on the scoop of everyone's life. I'm finding that I don't even desire to know. And in all reality, why did I ever think that the countless duck lips poses, gun control rants, and to be honests were anything I needed to know about? And if my relationship with Christ is judged one more time by whether or not I like his picture or keep scrolling, then I'm going to scream.

Its a shame that Lent has been portrayed as a Christian version of the New Years Resolution. I am realizing that it should be so much more than that. To be "more self disciplined" is not the point. To profit from fasting to show a "better version of yourself" is not the point either. Because we all know that to make more of us is to make less of God.

I thought I'd miss it, but now I'm realizing that it is liberating. I have time to "be available to my own family" as this scripture says. I have freed up mental capacity to think about the injustice that concerns our God. I pray that this is just the beginning of liberating my time and energy to know my God more. That through my tiny sacrifice of facebook that I would cling instead to His sacrifice on the cross and more importantly, his resurrection. I pray that God will show me how to turn my fast days into the kind of fast days that He is after. The kind that shows love and compassion to the least of these. The kind that makes less of me and more of Him.

Simple Woman's Daybook

For Today, Sunday, January 20, 2013

Outside my window...absolutely beautiful day! After a late arrival last week at school for icy roads, the 65 degree weather this weekend was much welcomed. We spent much of our time on Saturday outside because I know winter is not over, and we may not have a chance to be out for awhile.

I am remembering...when my babies were babies. I have not gotten rid of a single bit of the kids clothes. I finally convinced myself that it was ok to let go of it. If I have another kid, clothes can be replaced. Right? Anyway, I'm giving clothes to friends and family that are having babies, but I weeded through and kept some of the "special" clothes. Their first outfits to wear home from the hospital, Easter dresses, favorite jerseys, etc. It was a sweet time going through and remembering that stage of life that each kid wore that certain outfit in. 

I am thankful for...life. It seems like the past 2 months have just been completely full of tragic news. On top of the Connecticut shooting has been news of families that we know that lost a loved one too soon and sudden. Jeff and I witnessed a kid get hit by a car in December in front of my school. He is doing fine now, but that was the worst thing that I ever saw happen. Could have been so much worse. Things like that, though, put everything into perspective. Suddenly, my "problems" are not as much a burden when I realize how fortunate me and my family are to be together and safe.

I am creating... I bought a basic wooden doll house at a garage sale for 5 bucks yesterday. Nothing fancy. No doors or windows or anything. But I'm excited to paint it and decorate it to give Carley for her birthday. Cannot believe she will be 3 in June!

I am going... to Hot Springs, Arkansas in March. The 4 of us, along with my parents, will be going to stay in a little cabin and just play! We will go do something fun everyday, but I'm most excited about just playing outside and doing some fishing with the kids at the lake.

I am reading... I JUST started The Hobbit. I saw the movie and loved it, so I will spend the next 4 years reading it. (Lol. I hate how slow I am at reading books. If I just didn't need to sleep then this wouldn't be a problem.)

I am hoping... that this is the year of unpiling everything that has piled up on top of us from last year. Last year we got piled up with baby clothes, medical bills, and tree limbs! So our immediate plans include getting rid of all of that. Man, its going to feel good when all of it is gone. 

On my mind... my motivation behind my busy-ness. (See "Pondering these words...")

From the learning rooms...I have a super sweet class. Its been a fun year. Some of my students are about to start the Accelarated Reader program (Colin gets to start that too, in his class!) and ALL students are taking books home to read every week. 

Pondering these words... "We remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ." -1 Thessalonians 1:3

From the kitchen... Jeff is planning on brewing up a mean stew tomorrow. And when all of that is gone, breakfast for dinner is in the works. I've been craving breakfast for dinner for a while!

Around the house... We will be having a garage sale here in the next few months. The goal is to raise money to get a new shed. But...because we don't have a shed (and don't have a garage) all the stuff that will go into the garage sale are piled up in our guest bedroom. So I guess that is another thing that has piled up on us. Ready for it to all go!

One of my favorite things... having Colin at the same school as me. He has done SO well this year. I wondered if he would have a hard time adjusting and if that would distract me from my job, but it has not been a problem at all. We have our little system about what he does after school when I'm still "on the clock" and its just been good. I love the little waves and whispered "I love you's" that I get in the hallway when I see him. And he is reading like crazy! I love hearing him read his book after school in my classroom. He is such a good good boy.

A picture from my album... My Carley girl got her first haircut. We only cut 2 inches, just to even it all out. But she seemed to feel pampered. She kept saying, "Wook, Mama! She's bwushin my hao!"

A weird Monday...

I had tears in my eyes the whole way to work, my heart racing at how I should even respond on a day like today. I didn't even want to go to that place but knew I was completely responsible for making today as "normal" as possible. 

I visualized my classroom and decided I could fit every single one of my students in my bathroom if needed in an emergency. A 50+ year old bathroom that I have always complained about smelling so bad, has suddenly become a bit comforting to me.

I walk in the door holding my little boy's hand and drop him off in the cafeteria, as is our normal routine. I smile and tell him to have a good day, but I'm really wanting to just take him home and go get my baby girl at the daycare as well. I exchange looks with coworkers and administrators as I walk to my classroom. Lots of smiles and "Good morning!" exchanges. But their eyes look weary and nervous.

Its an understood sentiment among the teachers and staff that no one wants to be there, but yet at the same time, today is a day that a teacher's calling has never been felt stronger.

When 20 young children are killed just a few days before in the Newtown, Connecticut shooting, parents are upset. Teachers are upset. Some of the older students who understand what happened are upset. 

Since becoming a mother, I have grown to love interacting with my student's parents. I love parent conferences. I love seeing their faces beam with pride when I talk about their child. I even love seeing the loving look of concern when something is wrong. I love helping those parents who want to help their child but just don't know how. I know what they want to hear and how to word what they may not want to hear. But on this solemn Monday, I was hoping to avoid all parents because all of a sudden I couldn't tell them what they wanted to hear. I couldn't promise that their child was perfectly safe. I couldn't promise that I had what it took to keep 22 students from being harmed by a crazy person. 

As a teacher, you are responsible for the mass production of thriving and successful individuals. How devastating when that all comes to a screeching hault because of something that is completely out of a teachers control. 

That Monday was a wonderful day, however. We searched the school building for a "missing" gingerbread man that had run away. The secretary, nurse, librarian, custodian, etc. all played along as we asked them if they had seen our gingerbread man. Our secretary even sent me an email from the gingerbread man himself. We returned to our classroom to find the gingerbread man safe and sound and with a special gingerbread cookie snack at each seat. I've done this every year, but I cannot even explain the emotion that rose in me as we came in and my students reacted. Huge eyes, jumping and laughing, covering their mouths in disbelief that the gingerbread man came back with snacks for every one. One boy came to me and said, "This has been a weird day. But a really really great day!" I could not have said it better myself. 

I like to end my blog posts with a solution or an answer. A verse that wraps it up or something. But I've got nothing. I think I'm ok with the fact that through this tragedy I'm left with fear and humility. Yet at the same time I'm left with a confirmation of my calling to teach and an urgency to do it well.

postponed

Why do we live our life as though God is waiting on a new and improved future version of ourselves in order to love us.

My daughter is a royal mess.

These are the things I wish she would do:
1. Not mess up her brothers well planned out nascar race. And then laugh...
2. TeeTee in the potty
3. Eat a cracker without it looking like a hail storm hit my living room.
4. Say please and thank you and not scream demands at me.

But... I love my Carley. The way she is now. Because she is mine.

I would never tell her, "Come back in a few years when you are potty trained and have better manners. Then we will talk about this whole mother/daughter thing."

Why can we not understand that Christ's death on the cross was sufficient even for our current cruddy state? He did not postpone his love for the completed result of you. We exhaust ourselves with lists of our lists of things that we need to fix before we approach Jesus for a real relationship with him.

Why do I wish Carley would not do the above things? Because I love her too much for her to stay the way she is. I don't want her going on her first date with no manners and being a sprinkler of food. Now, does Carley have some awesome days, sure! There are days that I can tell she is even TRYING to please me! And how does her efforts change my love? It doesn't!

"You say, 'Come just as you are. So here I stand unholy. And I thank you, Lord, that you won't leave me that way."

Blind

I did not get glasses until I was in the 6th grade. I seriously don't know how I passed the vision tests from the school nurse every year before that, because I did not realize how blind I was until I got glasses.

The day I got glasses was exciting. I remember seeing individual blades of grass for the first time instead of a green blur. I didn't realize that when you looked at the clouds they could take interesting shapes and textures. I rode in the car with my brand new glasses and observed everything. I rode by buildings I had seen my whole life and never been able to read the signs or see defined squares called windows. I remember reading my street sign, "Kelly Terrace" where I lived. Most importantly, I could read a book without struggling and straining.

How interesting that in a more gradual process, I have had the same experience with my spiritual eyes understanding the Word of God. What use to be a blur has become so beautifully clear. What use to seem dull is now penetrating my soul. What use to be boring words have become the very words that I cling to. Most importantly, I can read the book without struggling and straining.

I see now that the problem was never the Bible. It was my eyes. I was blind and didn't know what I was missing out on.

However, I still have SO much to learn. There are many days I don't understand and feel frustrated by my ignorance. There are times I don't see the point of His words. Lord,  help in those times to perservere and seek you. Give me understanding and wisdom. Thank you God, for the Bible.

"Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in your law." -Psalm 119:18

Ferris Wheel

I hate ferris wheels. The up an down makes me nauseous. And throughout the ride you see the same things over and over again. 

I think I ride a ferris wheel in every day life.

My daughter tee-tee's in the potty consistently all morning. I internally pat myself on the back for training her well. Later she decides to pull down her undies and flood the playroom 3 times in a row. I internally wonder how I lost control of my kid. I fear I'm losing her.

My son recites scripture about obedience and hiding the word in his heart. I think I've done the right thing to teach him the Word. Later we are in a shouting match about what's fair/not fair and end it all with a spanking and tears. I internally wonder how I lost control of my kid. I fear I'm losing him.

My husband thanks me for all that I do and then makes supper for us all. I think how our marriage is a good example of the way it should be and I'm proud. Later we are frustrated and miscommunicating about what he really meant when he said "I guess..." I internally wonder how I lost control of my marriage. I fear I'm losing him.

Am I the only who is in constant battle with my thoughts and heart? Its a constant pull between pride and fear. When things go my way, I credit myself and I'm happy. When Ive lost control of a situation and things don't go my way, I have fear that I'm losing something.

"Pride takes over because we come to believe that we are the right kind of people. Fear takes over because we dread losing control." -Richard Foster

I'm very excited about re-reading Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster. As I am preparing my heart to begin studying Spiritual Disciplines, I'm begininng to see how much the above quote is true in even the little things of every day life. Its even more so true for my relationship with Christ.

I read the Bible in my bed at night and I'm excited about what I've learned. I internally credit myself for being a good Christian and have a sense of self-righteousness. Later I can't understand why that bad attitude or that selfish thought slipped into my day. I wonder how I lost control of my relationship with Him. I fear I'm losing Him.

I see now how much pride and fear screw everything up. I am so self-sufficient. And what a crummy person I am to depend on. These Spiritual Disciplines that I'm about to study do have the potential to accelerate the cycle of pride and fear and self-sufficiency in my relationship with Christ. The introduction to Foster's book warns against this.

"The needed change within us is God's work, not ours."

"Human striving is insufficient."

"Righteousness is a gift from God."

"God has given us the disciplines of the spiritual life as a means of receiving His grace."

He warns that there is potential for Disciplines to be morphed into "Laws." We all know what "Laws" did to the Pharisees. It caused externalism. It caused pride and judging. It caused a less than intimate relationship with Christ. 

"When we genuinely believe that inner transformation is God's work and not ours, we can put to rest our passion to set others straight."

I don't need to set God straight. I don't want to be on the ferris wheel of pride and fear and constant wondering where I stand with God. I HATE ferris wheels. I need to let Him work from the inside out. I have a feeling that the change in my heart would result in less pride and fear with my family as well. 

"He who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption; but he who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life." - Galatians 6:8

Just as a farmer prepares his field for nature to do the work, so am I preparing my heart for God to do His mighty work.

A lack of friendship...

Last week I had the opportunity to go to Houston on a mission trip with 6 of our students. It was such an eye opening experience. I honestly don't know how I'm going to write this post because we did SO much stuff and I have SO many thoughts about it all. I'll start with a few pictures from the trip. These are tiny pictures because they came from my phone. Sorry...

This was taken from the 60th floor of the Chase Tower downtown. It was a beautiful view of the city. It was hard to tell from that view that there were so many problems and needs in the city.

 We sported hair nets and gloves and made 1900 sandwhiches one morning for students who are on free and reduced lunch during the school year. The next day we got to hand deliver them to the children.

We took an awesome group of students. LOVE them...

We took a long time exploring downtown. We had the opportunity to ask some questions to homeless people, police officers, and business people to get different perspectives. 

Houston is the 4th largest city in the nation, and as of last year is the most diverse city in the nation (taking the place of New York City). It also has the highest homeless population in the nation. And boy was it evident. As we would tour the city and walk the streets, we would see homelessness and extremely impoverished areas everywhere. 

I had never heard this word before, but we learned about gentrification. Its basically when the wealthier population come in to the lower income areas. Nice new buildings or homes are built where run down ones used to be. Its a way of "economic planning" for the future of that city. I guess maybe the idea is to eventually push out the "low-incomeness" of areas. It sounds like a good thing. And in some ways it really is a good thing. But to see it in person is different. I wish I had taken a picture of the area we saw, but I didnt. So I found similar pictures to what we saw. 

We drove down a street where on one side we saw nice condos like this...

and directly across the street we saw homes like this...

I guess I have a hard time with gentrification when it comes to "city planning" if the impoverished and homeless are not included in that planning. Economically it makes sense for the city as a whole. But I think its forgotten that behind the doors of those run down and dirty houses are real people who may have no where else to go. Thats their home.

What was interesting, though, was that on the lower income side of the road I noticed a huge sense of community. People sitting on porches together, neighbors visiting with each other, people working on their cars together. On the condo side...not one person was to be found. 

One afternoon, we helped cook a meal for about 100 men in a drug rehab facitilty. I had the opportunity to work along side a man named "Country" who was a resident there and worked in the kitchen. He basically taught me how to cook! He showed me how to sautee and "keep that food moving." He taught me how to control my heat and not be afraid to taste it along the way. I swear he needs his own cooking show. He was so much fun!

Another evening, we had an opportunity to listen to the Salvation Army Harbor of Lights mens choir. The entire choir was former addicts. As I watched them, I couldn't help but notice their hearts of sincere worship. I felt convicted as I realized that I don't give God the same kind of worship as they were. 

Our last evening there, we went to a place called Bread of Life. They serve meals to the homeless community that is cooked by homeless culinary students. They fellowship together every evening (that particular night they had a paint night). Then they open up showers and line up as many mattresses as they can and let them sleep for the night. As they were setting up their beds for the night a couple of homeless guys lifted a wallet in the air and started yelling, "Family! Someone lost their wallet! Who's wallet?" Another sense of community. They called each other "family" all night long. And they protect each other and take care of each other. 

I expected to go to Houston and give to the needy. I didn't expect the needy to give back to me. I didn't expect to be taught by them.

Throughout the trip we had numerous opportunities to interact or work along side people who were homeless, kids in an impoverished area, or men in rehab. We sorted clothes, cooked and served food, packed lunches, etc. We were helping meet a lot of physical needs. But throughout the entire trip, I kept thinking of a quote from a video I watched about poverty. The quote stated that, "The definition of poverty is a lack of friendship." Sure we can help with physical needs. But real friendships with these people can go a long way. The best things that happened all week for me was finding out their names and about their families and what they like to do. It was then that the walls I had built between us began to fall down.

Carley is 2!

My girl is 2 today! I LOVE LOVE LOVE my little sidekick. She is always with me, always happy, and always making me laugh or smile. We butt heads every once in a while, because we are so much alike, but I am thankful for her companionship. So here is a 2 year update...

Age: 2 years today!

Weight: about 22 pounds, wearing 24 month clothes and size 4 shoes

Feedings: depends on her mood! Some days she keeps that mouth clamped shut and wants only snack foods. I don't fight her. She'll eat when she is hungry. She loves to eat cheese, blueberries, bananas, applesauce, chips (and dip), mac n cheese, yogurt, and rice.

Favorites: She loves putting on her shoes by herself to get ready to go "soutside", Her favorite things to do outside are to look for bugs, jump on the trampoline, and knock her brothers ball off his T. She loves books and wants to be read to ALL the time. She loves any kind of teasing games like hide and seek, chasing, and she likes to hide her toys and see if we can find them. She loves to sing and smile. She also loves to help me clean. She will fold clothes with me or follow me around with a baby wipe to clean off tables and counters. :)

Least Favorites: She does not like eggs. She still doesnt like it when I rinse her hair in the tub. 

Issues: She is a hitter sometimes. Colin never has and still doesnt hit. But he stayed with a little old lady with just one other kid until he was 2 and 1/2. Carley has been in daycare the whole time, so I think she just sees it more. She is a tiny girl, so maybe thats her way of holding her own??? Were working on it though. We always say, "Stapletons don't hit." Even Colin tells her that.

Personality: VERY silly. I think both of my kids are really funny. But Colin isn't trying to be funny, he's just quirky and says silly stuff on accident. Carley is intentionally funny. She tries to make people laugh. She has grown to be more cuddly than she used to be (which of course I won't reject!) She is usually independent, confident, and content.

Areas to Work On: getting her to eat more and stop hitting

New Things: Her beloved "paddy" (pacifier) is officially gone. Its been almost a full week without it and shes done fairly well. She has the hardest time when its time to go to sleep. But we've replaced the comfort of paddy for the comfort of momma rocking her to sleep. I'm definitely ok with that! It sure is funny to hear her crying and admist the tears say, "Paddy's gone gone!" 

Randomness: Colin and Carley are having a combined party at the bowling alley next weekend. (Colins birthday is in about 3 weeks) I have NO idea what to get them for their birthdays. Ideas?

Happy Birthday, Lita! I am thankful God blessed our family with you. 

You are wonderfully made!

Summer...

As Phineas and Ferb would sing, "Summer...every single moment is worth its weight in gold! Summer...its like the world's greatest story and its waiting to be told!" 

Summer is (almost) here! I have 8 days of school left and that's only with about 6 or 7 students in my class. So I'd say I'm pretty much done. Im very excited about our summer. The kids will not be going to daycare so it will include things like... swimming, going to the library, maybe going to some museums, squeezing a few short trips in to Arlington, vacation bible school, a bowling birthday party for both kids, a beach vacation, and then shopping for uniforms for Kindergarten! The kids will also be staying with their grandparents for 2 (separate) weeks while Jeff and I go to youth camp and to a Houston mission trip.

Here is a little glimpse into what has happened the past few weeks...

 Carley LOVES going to Colin's tball games. She doesnt really watch him much though. She just paces around and rearranges her fold up chair 100 times. 

 The kids are all settled in their new beds! Colin has mastered getting up and down without falling. Carley has a hard time falling asleep, but once she is asleep, she never gets back up! 

 We bought the kids new water guns and spent all evening on Saturday playing, grilling, and eating out in the back. It was a blast!

This girl has my heart. She has the funnest personality! I'm so thankful for her.

Colin has been working on memorizing bible verses and has done pretty well. We focus on about one per month. I just got him out of the habit of saying, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your shoulder, and all your strength..." He kind of starts running the verses together toward the end of this video, but if you know anything about Colin, you know his thoughts all run together...like his dad. He also has a few short seizures at the beginning of the video, but doesn't miss a beat after it. I'm so thankful that so far, his seizures are minor and do not interfere too much with daily life.



Hope everyone has a great summer!

Just keep swimming...

The Notelpats life is running full force. We are very busy, but we are having fun and loving eachother. Here is a little glimpse into what has been going on...

Carley...she is a character. She is 22 months old. She will be 2 in June! I cannot believe how fast she is growing and changing. Some things she loves right now is "pushoos" (puzzles), reading books, taking her clothes off, running races with her brother, and she LOVES to sit in her fold up chair at Colin's tball games. It's actually Colin's chair...but I'm pretty sure she has claimed it and no one is allowed to sit in it but her. She is trying really hard to communicate lately, but doesn't speak clearly. So she gets frustrated when we don't understand. She has also become kind of picky and moody about food. Sometimes she eats supper...sometimes she doesn't. That bothers me, but I guess she'll eat when she is ready. One thing is for sure, you can't make her do anything. She'll do things when she is ready and if its her own idea. I have no idea where she got that from. :) I'm really enjoying my time with her lately. She's my little side kick. She goes to the grocery store with me, runs errands, follows me around the house when I clean, folds clothes with me. She's just calm and quiet and always with me. I like that. She does get loud and silly though when she plays with her brother and daddy. I am thankful for my little companion.

Colin...he is a different character! He will be 5 in July and will be starting Kindergarten! I'm a little sad that he has gotten that old, but excited that he will be going to school with me and that our child care expenses will be going down!! Some things he loves right now is tball games, playing basketball, listening to praise music/dancing, learning new verses, ping pong, Thomas the Train, "7 drink" (7-up), and going to Tumblebus at school. Pray for him, as he will be starting another medicine this week. His other medicine was working, but not enough. So we are adding another one. I'm apprehensive (like I was the first time) because of possible scary side effects. It's one thing for him to have side effects of upset tummy or dizziness. But when they talk about hallucinations,  personality/behavioral changes, etc. that bothers me. But he did well with this last medicine, so hopefully he won't have problems with the next.  The boy has always been this way, but more so lately...He LOVES his Daddy. He always wants to be with him and is devastated when he is gone. He's even been saying, "I want to ride/go with Daddy. But I'll still love you while I'm gone." I guess that's his way of telling me to not take it personally. Haha! I am thankful for my quirky, smart, sweet boy. I pray that he will do big things!

The Notelpat parental units are busy, busy, busy. It's constant communication between Jeff and I about scheduling, who is going to pick up what child and take this child here and this child there. But it always works out. I am thankful for a husband that pitches in and is actively involved. He gives baths, takes Colin to dr appointments, coaches tball, and even attempts to do Carley's hair....he tries atleast!

I've been trying to still squeeze in time for running. My awesome mom is lending me her treadmill for a while and that has made things easier for me to get running time in. I dread running, but once I start I really enjoy it and never regret doing it! I just wish I'd see results faster. But my main goal is not to lose weight but to tone. I'm doing this to have energy and to stretch out my bones. Chrons disease can cause stiff joints and I can tell a huge difference in that after I have run.

As far as our struggle that I've written about before about wondering what God has in store for our future, I've decided to chill out about it. I've spent so much time lately researching this option or that option. The Lord almost audibly said to me one day, "Don't seek an answer...seek me." I realized how different things would be if I spent as much time/energy digging and longing to find out more in his word rather than trying to figure out the next step in our life. I've done that this past week and it has been rewarding. The Lord will provide an opportunity for us in his time and I will continue to seek Him while we wait on Him.

What in the world...

I know I have blogged before about how I think everything is a great idea. I'm not apprehensive about much. I would move states or even countries, go back to school, change jobs, adopt, stay at home...I would do ANYTHING when it comes to life changes and following the Lord's calling. Most people say, "Oh that's a good thing! You must have an easy time obeying God." Ummm....not. It's because I've considered SO many options that I have a hard time obeying. I am easily distracted from what the Lord truly wants from my life because I am always daydreaming about "what if's." My mind is a racing jumbled mess of ideas that has left my heart unsettled and undirected. It's not that I don't want to obey, it's that I don't know what we're supposed to do. Jeff and I can see ourselves do a number of different things with our life. Our amazing pastor has said, "I can't imagine doing anything else but pastoring." ...I wish we could say that.

I know that God isn't as concerned as we are about the specifics of where we are living and our jobs and such. I know he just wants me to live a Christlike life and bring others to him wherever I am. I know that. But...I know that he also gives us talents, gifts, and desires to be used for his glory. And we are trying to figure out the best way for that to happen.

Here are some of my thoughts about what we desire as we struggle to find our place/direction. I thought that maybe if I narrowed down what we really desire rather than listing out places we want to go or things we want to do, then maybe things would be more clear.

1. I have to teach...in some form or fashion. It doesn't matter if it's with children in a public school, a sunday school class/small group at church, or even educating needy parents. It's what I do.

2. Jeff and I work together. I have a hard time separating myself from Jeff's ministry. I don't want to just be "the minister's wife." I want to be on the frontlines too. If it wasn't up to me to financially support our family, I would do ministry with Jeff all the time. But then again, I love my job too....See what I mean? It's confusing because I want to do it all!

3. Jeff is a visionary. He is creative and loves to dream and make things happen. But that desire can be fulfilled in 4 million ways. He could do a painting and temporarily fulfill that desire. So that's not real helpful in guiding us.

4. We are SO not good at this, but we do desire to be more relational with people. We want to make a difference in needy people's lives. Not helpful in guiding us either because there are people EVERYWHERE that need us.

*Sigh* So all of our desires seem so broad and can be used in so many different ways. Pray for us as we seek clarity and direction. No, we are not moving. I say that I would move anywhere, but I could also see myself living in Marshall for the rest of my life because I love the people here so much.

Lord, help me to put my well intentioned desires and plans aside and seek You. I want to obey you and please you with my whole life. So give me what I need to make you known today where I already am and give me guidance to make you known in the future.

"Many are the plans in a person's heart,

but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails." -Proverbs 19:21